Attachment Therapy
“Loving connection is the only safety Nature ever offers us.” Sue Johnson
Are Old Wounds Manifesting As New, Persistent Challenges?
Did you experience trauma or dysfunction in your family at a young age?
Or do you suspect you had a traumatic birth?
Is it difficult for you to feel safe, secure, and connected in your relationships?
And are you curious about why you feel “stuck” in certain relational patterns?
Perhaps relationships are a big stressor for you. You may believe you have “bad luck” when it comes to finding healthy, compatible connections or that when someone promising does come along, you feel unworthy of a loving bond. Whether you withdraw, become clingy, don’t want to be touched, or engage in cycles of conflict with partners and loved ones, you’re probably feeling lonely and anxious, questioning why it’s so difficult to maintain a sense of balance and equilibrium in your relationships.
It's possible that if you zoom out and look at the bigger picture of your life, there are early experiences that wounded your ability to form safe, healthy attachments. You may have grown up in an environment where there was conflict, neglect, abuse, or addiction. Perhaps you weren’t given many good models for expressing love and security, which has translated into some of your current relationship struggles.
Alternatively, you may suspect or have been told that you had a traumatic birth. Maybe you experienced a life-threatening delivery or neonatal illness. And if something complicated your ability to form a healthy, loving bond with your parent—whether due to adoption or a lengthy hospital stay—you may have unresolved attachment injuries that have manifested in uncomfortable ways throughout your life.
Attachment Trauma Can Be At The Core Of Physical Pain And Discomfort
The fact of the matter is that if our ability to form healthy, safe attachments is compromised, it has the potential to impact every aspect of life. Whether or not we’re aware of the trauma, our body “keeps the score,” resulting in mood issues, sleep and appetite changes, cognitive challenges with memory and concentration, and persistent physical symptoms. Oftentimes, if there’s no identifiable medical cause for disruptive sensations like muscle tension, neck and back pain, headaches, and GI symptoms, there could be unhealed attachment injuries at play.
My approach to therapy using Somatic Experiencing ™, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (CST), and Attachment Therapy allows you to tap into your body, heal old wounds, and locate a sense of inner peace and alignment. Working together in treatment, we can work to resolve the physical, emotional, and relational issues that have surfaced as a result of unhealthy attachments.
Insecure Attachments Often Have Lifelong Consequences
Secure attachments are defined by relationships with parents/caregivers that are attuned, empathetic, consistent, safe, and clear on boundaries. If these elements aren’t present and reliable or if caregivers are frightening, it can result in insecure (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) attachments.
The process of attachment begins in the womb. When mothers experience severe stress, trauma, mental health struggles, and/or substance abuse issues during pregnancy, it can affect cognitive, motor, social, and emotional development of the baby. And if patterns of trauma continue throughout childhood, the child-parent attachment becomes progressively more injured. Given the message that we aren’t safe or loved as children, we develop the idea that the world is a chaotic, unpredictable, and wounding place, ultimately impacting how we interact with ourselves, our environments, and other people.
Despite the advancements we’ve made in understanding the relationship between trauma, early development, and healthy bonds with family, it was reported as of 2014 that 40 percent of American children lack “strong emotional bonds.” [1] This means that four out of ten children have insecure attachment adaptations, putting them at risk of becoming defiant, aggressive, needy, or frustrated adults.
Fortunately, current research has also demonstrated that attachment issues can be identified and treated through therapy and mindfulness practices.
How Do We Address Trauma That Is Pre-Verbal?
Because early trauma typically takes place before we have a verbal, narrative memory, it tends to get stored in the body in ways that aren’t always obvious. Coping patterns—or our body’s automatic response to distress—are deeply habitual, so much so that they precede conscious identification and choice. In essence, we have “built-in” relational habits and beliefs that are deeply ingrained and often exist beyond our awareness.
Therapy that combines body-based elements with trauma-informed, attachment-oriented perspectives can be the key to resolving physical and emotional issues. Through facilitating a sense of repair in mind and body, you can transform the way you hold onto traumatic experiences.
1-https://www.princeton.edu/news/2014/03/27/four-10-infants-lack-strong-parental-attachments#:~:text=In%20a%20study%20of%2014%2C000,according%20to%20a
Treatment For Attachment Issues Through Restore Resilience Therapy
The tension, worry, aggression, and frustration you experience are your nervous system’s ingrained defense mechanisms, following years of feeling hyper-alert and unsafe. My first task as your therapist will be to create a sense of calm and safety in the treatment space so that we can gain more clarity on your attachment wounds and how they manifest as physical, mental, emotional, and relational issues in your life.
I aim to help you develop insight into how your experiences and relationships have intersected so that you can foster affirming, supportive bonds in your life. Throughout our time together, I will gently challenge unhealthy or counterproductive beliefs so that you can begin the process of disentangling yourself from the unhealthy attitudes and emotional frameworks that were modeled to you.
My Approach
Depending on your presenting issues, we will use a combination of bodywork, attachment-based counseling, and mindfulness/imagination exercises to repair attachment issues in therapy. For clients experiencing physical pain and discomfort, I find Craniosacral Therapy (CST) and Somatic Experiencing ™ particularly useful for facilitating the body’s innate trauma-healing potential. I also use Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe), which is a therapy specifically developed to help adults with early trauma repair attachment issues and form safe, secure bonds.
I will also coach you on skills that you can practice at home to help your nervous system return to a state of balance and ease when distressed. Communication and boundary-setting strategies can be helpful for asserting yourself in an effective yet loving way. And Metta meditation and imagination exercises will help to foster a deep sense of self-compassion. Treatment for attachment wounds will help you release old traumas, repattern thoughts and beliefs, and repair attachment wounds so that you can live with fewer adverse issues impacting the quality of your life and relationships.
With proper support and pacing, we can address the fundamental injuries from childhood and beyond that have left you feeling unsafe and unlovable. I’ve seen clients with a wide range of early trauma begin to flourish through treatment, and have been amazed by how much their inner voice and wisdom direct us in the healing journey. By changing your physiological, automatic responses around protection and attachment in therapy, you can develop and maintain connections that sustain, embrace, and uplift you.
Common Concerns About Counseling For Attachment Issues
How can I heal early attachment issues with a therapist if I can’t remember many details from my childhood?
Our physiological networks have an amazing way of holding onto information we may not be able to consciously recall. Even if our minds don’t remember the details of what happened to us, our bodies do. This is what’s known as “somatic memory,” and it lays the foundation of my approach to bodywork, CST, and SE. These methods guide us in understanding exactly where in the body you’re holding onto the memory and how, as trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk puts it, your “body keeps the score.”
Sometimes, through this process, the narrative of what happened becomes clearer, and sometimes it doesn’t. However, the specific story isn’t actually all that important—your body can release old tension patterns and achieve a state of relaxation without knowing all the details.
How can I actually change long-standing relationship patterns when it feels like I keep making the same mistakes and attracting the wrong kinds of partners?
As you slow down to truly feel what is happening in your mind and body, “stuck” patterns will naturally begin to shift and transform. Somatic therapy gives you an opportunity to pause and check in with yourself so that you can meaningfully identify the relationship between your physical symptoms and the core beliefs beneath them.
As with many of my clients, you are likely to unlock key emotional memories throughout the therapeutic process that will help you understand old patterns and guide you in making healthier, more intentional choices moving forward.
I had such unhealthy attachments growing up—am I doomed to experience dysfunctional relationship issues forever?
It is never too late to cultivate healthy relationships, including—and most importantly—with yourself. As you heal and experience genuine compassion for yourself and the parts of you that are wounded, you will naturally attract healthier, more attuned relationships into your life.
I had a client who was able to find love in her sixties and enter into a healthy, satisfying marriage after doing SE and trauma work in attachment therapy. This client’s inner wisdom guided us in the process of resolving trauma and negative beliefs, and I am confident yours can do the same.
Attachment Wounds Are Reparable
As a somatic psychotherapist with advanced training in attachment therapy, prenatal/birth trauma, and DARe, I am invested in helping my clients overcome relational issues to experience more safety and connection in their lives. Visit my contact page or call (303) 819 – 8839 to find out more about how my approach can help you.
Testimonial
"Margaret is a fantastic therapist. She understands the mind-body connection so deeply that she can easily connect to your story. It makes you feel comfortable, opens your heart and healing process, with respect and patience for the journey you need to experience. She is a wonderful guide for anyone who has the courage to step into a wild river of a lifestream, with belief of safe landing in the end.” - M. K.
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